There is a purpose in meeting people in life, some are there to test you, some will use you, some will teach you, and some will bring out the best in you.
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Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments & Black are sad moments. But remember both keys are played together to give sweet music.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

"She leaves when you start to love her"

Mixed feelings. Confused. What more? Seeing her talking to you just kills me in the inside like a mother witnessing her daughter get hit by a car. I don't even know what I am feeling right now. I don't know. I don't know. If you ask me who's the one right now, probably the answer will be either no one or i don't know.

You don't like people who judge you but you judge others. What logic is that? Where are all your fucked up attitude that you always show to everyone including me, where are all those? Why don't you show that attitude of yours to her? Instead, you let yourself be a two-faced guy. Is it you changed or she made you change? I don't know. Why are you suddenly so close to her out of the blue? Why is it must be her?

Her, the one whom i hate so much, the one who changes crush like changes clothes, the one has two different personality and attitude infront of girls and guys. Why must it be her? And not other girls? She doesn't like people who bitch about her but she herself bitch about others. She's a professional in bitching about others and I've no idea why can't you see that bad side of her :( its just upsetting. 

Disappointing.

The only choice i have right now,
• Stop all these feelings and slowly forget about him

No, i don't know :( even tho i say I'm over you but when i see your conversation with her in twitter, i just died for a moment, almost cry but i don't. I don't know. I need someone to decide for me right now. Someone who can make me realised whether i should stop and forget about him. 

No i don't know. I just hate the i-dont-know feelings. 

Its alr one year surprisingly :-(

Friday, 13 September 2013

"Being the one who is loved by someone is like a bunch of balloons happily floating in the air"

Everyone's dream is to be someone who is well loved and appreciated by someone. Everyone hopes that it will happen to them one fine day. 
Even i do, its just that i can't.
I'm a loser, giving others advices and cheer them up but didn't do what I told others to do. A loser who only ask and tell others what to do for their own good but didn't put in any effort in own's problem. I just can't. I don't have the strength to do it. I don't have the bravery to face the consequences. I'm afraid of what will happen. Just afraid to do anything. Seeing my friends progressing well just don't make me feel to work on mine. I'm just sitting and staring at the blank air. Wondering and hoping that good things will happen to me. Wishing that things will go back to what it is supposed to be. But I realised for a moment, I wasn't putting myself in reality. I was in my own world. I realised and decided to just give up and not to bother anything for right now. The conflict that happened really really has affected me no matter how i tried to deny the fact that it doesn't. I didn't show it to my friends cause i know it's just a small useless pathetic deal. So i bottled everything up. Thinking that I'm over you and everything, but actually I'm not. The feeling is strong. Too strong that I'm still actually feeling it rn even tho you're treating me like a white wall that is vandalized. Still feeling it. 

"Am i supposed to stop this feeling?" It always runs in my mind.

I am actually back to the old me who always stalk you like some crazy stalker. I can't but to do what I did before the conflict. Its sounds pathetic and scary but no I'm still doing it :(

Being the one who isn't pretty and skinny like her is just blehajisnsax. It just pull my courage level straight to zero. She has the package, skinny, tall, pretty, smart. She gets to talk to you but I don't. I really really miss it when we text each other till late night, till you fell asleep waiting for my reply. That moment, the precious moment like a bright shinny diamond at the top of the pole. I treasure it so much. But then now its like the moment that everyone hates it, like the diamond fell off and cracked. 

I just need someone who will always be there for me 24/7 so that i can express what I feel every moment. Someone who can tolerate my nonsense, sarcasm ness and my ranting. I just need that someone right now. Maybe i don't look sad in the outside cause i don't want people around me to be worried. I don't cut cause i know its just the stupidest thing to do and that i don't want to make my appearance much more uglier cause i am alr ugly now :( 

"Bottling everything up cause you don't have any other choices"

Thursday, 12 September 2013

"Get up, take a moment to realize, try and work hard for it"

Crush, crush and crush. 
Normal to have and talk about crushes during these teenage years. 
But sometimes crush can crush everything, like a fire that can be friends with us but ended up destroying our lives like an enemy.

• the guy doesnt know that you exist
• the guy has a crush
• the guy is popular 
• many girls have a crush on him
• the guy still likes his ex
• the guy has a girlfriend
• there's a girl who is suck up to him

But dont make all these as your excuses to stop your feelings towards your crush. Rubbish. 
Just get up and get out from your shell, take a moment to realize what you should and should not do, try and work hard for it. If you feel pathetic or useless, take a moment to realize that if you continue feeling that way, you'll be in a loss. So get out from that little shell of yours and change for the better. It'll benefit you. If you think you don't have that thing that will attract him and that only other girls have it, try not to think that way. If you think you dont have any talent, its not a problem cause if the guy really loves you, everything else doesnt matter except for your heart and personality. Don't bother about the cactuses and tigers that are trying to pull you down so that you'll give up. They are just an example of a bunch of super major losers that do not have a life and only want the easy way to get their crushes. But don't worry if they get their crushes who is also your crush, cause they only managed to taste it for a short period of time due to their ugly personality and they'll lose the guy that they really want so badly. 
Just dont give up cause with God's will, I'm sure you'll get what you want if you really work hard for it.

"Be a lady and work hard for something you dream of. Don't be a bitch that goes around clinging onto people so that she/he will be able to get help from many and, not using your sweat and working hard for it"

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

"People come into your life and they leave"

Yes it happened to me just recently. The person that i have feelings for almost a year has gone just like that with the help of a girl who thinks she's big. But i'm not gonna let it affect me.
You think you've won and you're a champion.
But no i'm not gonna let you feel that way.
Cause someday i will get up and crash your life like a tornado that destroy everything. 
You don't have to wait for that day cause it'll come and happen to you real soon, very soon dear.