Saturday, 7 December 2013
Thursday, 5 December 2013
After messing and screwing things up, i feel that i'm useless and not supposed to exist in this world. Negative feelings and thoughts keep taking control over me. It seems like it's my job to be there to screw things up and leave when everything is done. That feeling when you know you're really feeling that way but then you're just confused over that another feeling. Yes that made me screwed things up and now our friendship is like one with someone who's once her enemy and she doesn't know if that someone has alr gotten over the past or not. Yes, I'm facing it right now.
-not gonna talk about it
It feels totally great when you finally realised real stuffs like one example, your feelings. It's been five months and things are not progressing at all. It's getting worse I guess? Drifted apart. Not texting each other. Oh what's new. There's smtg new I guess, that girl.
Sometimes I just want to say this straight in your face, but then again you're not mine.
"Go ahead with her, go. Just forget about me, forget about everything we had. Since you care so much about her, instead of me. And most probably you love her much more than you love me. Thank you for making me once the happiest girl in the world who would and still talks about you every single day."
But oh well, it's not gonna happen.
Monday, 25 November 2013
You do know that i like you, that you always make me smile and that i love texting you
But you have no idea how much I wish you were mine
I feel very safe when i'm being wrapped up in your arms
I've found someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't want me to change for him.
Calling and telling me how beautiful i am just make me fall for you even harder.
To my friends,
please stay strong, i may not know what's happening to you guys right now
but i know you guys are strong enough to face shits that are happening now.
i'm sorry that i am happy while you guys aren't. Please stay positive no matter
what happens. Thinking positively will result in positive outcome. I know its hard,
but i really hope you guys can be positive. Don't put yourself down. Everyone is
beautiful, all my friends are gorgeous and cool. Please stop being insecure. There'll
always someone out there who appreciate and accept you for who you are. I'm
always here for you guys to share your problems, please let everything out, instead
of bottling everything up. I know one of my friends likes to bottle everything up, doesn't
want to let out when i ask her. Please don't be like, it'll make you feel worse. Maybe
i can't help you but that's the only way i can help my friends; being there as a listening
ear. I might not be able to help you overcome your problems, but at least you'll feel
better when letting everything out. To be honest, sometimes i feel very bad when i'm
happy and you guys are not. I want myself to be feeling the same way like how my
friends are feeling, i feel that it isn't fair if i'm happy but you guys are not. I'm sorry guys.
Just please stay strong. I really hope this short message can bring a smile to your face.
Please let everything out to me or other friends. Just hoping that you guys will not do
To whoever that is reading this, you are beautiful
Thursday, 31 October 2013
Of course i get it.
And everyone likes her
She's the kind of girl you always wanted
I just kind of wished I could be that kind of girl to you, too
I love him.
He doesn't care about me.
I think about him.
He doesn't think about me
People mentioned his name around me;
A bitter smile unraveled across my lips.
People mentioned my name around him;
He acts as if he never met me.
People asked me, "What does he mean to you?"
And I said, "The world"
People asked him, "What does she mean to you?"
And he said, "Nothing"
He is someone who is really important to me and who i cherish the most. I'm always hoping that he will realise it and treat me the same way like i do.
Monday, 28 October 2013
There are a few good reasons why i should be happy in life and one of them is you, hun.
The safest place for me to be is in your heart, hun.
The best part of my life is that you're in it.
When it seems like I'm smiling for no reason, remember it's always because of you.
Your beauty got my attention, but your personality stole my heart.
You're not just a friend anymore,
You're my only love
Thursday, 24 October 2013
I'm always wishing that you don't know so many girls because I'm afraid i might lose you to one of them.
I wish you hadn't been with other girls before because I'm afraid your old feelings will come back for one of them.
I wish you didn't talk to so many girls because I'm afraid you might slowly lose feelings for me, and your interest for other girls will grow and the more you'll talk to her
Tuesday, 22 October 2013
You're the guy that can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. You're someone I can be joke around with knowing you won't get mad. You're someone I can be comfortable with, not have things awkward. I hope you're also the guy who will accept me for who i am and won't try to change me. If you can keep me laughing, then you can most definitely keep me on my toes.
21 October is the day when you actually made me realised that i must not give up on you. You made me realised that it's worth it to continue with my feelings.
We met on that day, actually it wasn't planned. You called and asked if you can hang out with us. And we did. We decided to hang out in the library. You took my bag and started throwing all the stuffs out. It really annoys me. You said it was fun to disturb me but you do know that i get annoyed very easily. And you continued annoying me. Put your wax on my hair, arm and knee. ((Both of us use the same wax hjakeosndhajanak)) when you tried to put the wax on my hair, i tried to avoid and then we came to a point where i fell lying on the floor and you almost fell on me. Everyone were judging us so bad including the pl girls that were sitting near us. You started scratching my knee using my ruler until it bleeds. Red marks were all over my knee. You then took my pencil case and ruler to hit and smack me everytime i want to say something. Even when i don't, you still smacked me with it. Even when I smile, you still smacked me with it. It really pisses me off. And I started to move away from you and shift myself so that my back was facing you. And you actually smack my back. Then you played with my phone. Took out everything even the SIM card. And you actually throw my SIM card into my blouse. Facepalm. I was really annoyed at that point of time. But at the same time i enjoyed it cause you did make me smile and laugh. And we then decided to leave the library. While walking i kept trying to walk away from you but you just can't stop stepping on my shoe. Annoyance. And then we came to the point when you stopped being sucha annoying guy and you started being sweet. You walked beside me the whole time. Talked to me with that soft tone. We walked so close. I really love that. Then you put your arms around me oh god i just oakaisbsicmsopandu. My heart just stopped and it felt like it will drop anytime soon. I became so shy and smiled really wide. And then when we arrived at bishan, you tapped my head and apologised for being annoying. It's really sweet. Everyone in the train just stared at us. You said sorry and you smiled and it really turned me on.
I can't describe how amazing it was. Too amazing to be more amazing. At night i texted you thanking you cause you actually brighten up my day, made me smile and laugh even tho you were being very annoying.
I really do enjoy whenever I'm with you. And i have never felt that way before whenever I'm with other guys.
I want and need you. How i wish i can tell you how much you meant to me.
You're really special to me
I love you
Saturday, 19 October 2013
Maybe it's true that he doesn't like me. It's just that I'm the one who keeps thinking that i still have the chance to be with him, when actually i don't.
Keep trying to get what you won't get. Isn't it pathetic? Isn't it useless? You know you won't get what you want but you still hoping for it to happen. Yeah that's me.
I'm not gonna be the one who he's looking for. I'm not gonna be the who he's wishing for.
Let me tell you, I've been trying my best to make myself exist in your eyes. I've been trying my best to make myself special among all your other girl friends. I've been trying my best to destroy the friendship between us and build a relationship instead but i failed.
I'm really really tired of trying. The only choice i have right now is to give up on you. And maybe i will cause i have no other choice. And if i give up on you, I hope i won't regret and i hope i will be able to move on.
Monday, 14 October 2013
It sucks so much knowing that your crush likes someone else.
I don't know how and what to react when I know about it. I don't even know if it's true.
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
We are not even talking now. I don't know. What am i supposed to do now?
Pretend i don't know anything?
From the start, i alr know you won't feel the same way. I know that it's impossible. I know it won't happen. I know cause you regard me as your close friend and not more than that. I knew all those.
I'm a loser. I'm pathetic. I'm hopeless. I'm useless. I need more vocabs to describe how stupid i am.
I need someone right now
"Knowing that you have a crush on someone but you can't have him, just sucks so much"
It's the most horrible and terrible thing when you know you have a crush on
someone but you can't have him/her.
You feel like the world's gonna end soon.
You feel like breaking down.
You feel like telling the whole world how much you love that person.
You feel like giving up and just die on the spot.
I know I'm not supposed to have a crush on him and i know i can't have him, cause it's impossible. But as days pass by, he just had to make me fall for him even more. His lame jokes and all, omg you're perf.
I wish I can tell you how perf you are to me.
I wish i can tell you how amazing you are.
I want you to know that every single thing you do always make me happy. Your presence can brightened up my mood even tho I'm feeling rather sad or fucked up. I do smile every time we talk. That's how amazing you are. You can make me happy with all those little things you do.
One day later I'm gonna go up to you and let you know how happy am i after knowing you and everytime we talk. I'm gonna let you know all those things you do that turns me on. I'm gonna let you know that i actually find you so perfect.
It just turns me on whenever you play soccer.
It just turns me on whenever you smile.
It just turns me on whenever you do all those cute things.
You really caught my eye and heart tbh.
Your personality just turns me on, hun
I'm truly glad that you step into my life and then be the one that i love the most.
Tuesday, 8 October 2013
"I want you to stay, i want to be yours now"
I just can't believe that all those shitty feelings will haunt me every night.
I get upset and worried everytime you don't reply me or you take a long time to reply.
I get jealous whenever you talk to other girls. I will feel like I'm hopeless and useless that you don't wanna talk to me.
I get insecure seeing you hanging out with your girl friends that are much more attractive than me.
I always try to create topics to start a convo with you and always try to make the convo ongoing.
I feel like its my duty to cheer you up whenever you're sad or mad.
I feel like I'm annoying you everytime we talk.
I feel like I'm the happiest girl whenever i stand next to you. I get shy whenever you ask me to face you everytime i talk to you. I kept smiling whenever i talk to you in person. I will look around cause i don't have the guts to look you in the eyes cause i know i will not stand it and will go crazy about it.
I feel like breaking down when you ask if I'm okay.
I'm forever with you. I'll always be there for you. Always by your side to go through ups and downs tgt with you.
Sometimes i feel like saying "you're always the reason why I smile and laugh" to you.
Monday, 7 October 2013
"You will never realise that I'm the one who is always there for you regardless whether you're happy or down or mad"
Even though i always take the initiative and courage to be there for you and cheer you up, i feel that its not worth it. You will never realise it. Never and won't. Its pretty sad knowing about that. I'm the one who is always starting the convo. ideky I'm doing all these. Idk if I'm supposed to even do all these. Feels like its very wrong, i don't know.
your excuses for not replying me:
• i forget to check my messages
• i receive the text later than usual
If you're reading this ((nah you don't even know whats my blog link and you won't even want to read)), I always wait for your text and reply. I've waited for almost one day to get your reply back. Sometimes when you don't even reply, i get pretty worried. Deky.
Ideky I'm writing a post about you. Not like you're gonna read it and change. But since bottling up everything isnt good and unhealthy, i blog my feelings out. But it doesn't make any difference. Still feeling the same.
I just miss all our cheeky convos. I wish to have them back again. Please? All the names you called me, oh god i miss those. Sometimes i do wonder if you get the hint everytime i tried to be cheeky with you.
hahaha bat you loser so shut up.
----- nah stop all these bat -----
You hope for something so much somemore la, all you receive in return is getting hurt and crushed. Lek one corner sua. Get to the old bat please.
Too accurate to be more accurate.
Saturday, 5 October 2013
"Talking to you is just the best thing on earth"
Even though i have to wait for you to reply me, i think its really worth it. Being called 'syg' and saying 'love you' to me is too sweet. Although its just a one or two word, it really made me feel special to you.
Before i went to sleep, i actually think about it whether you really mean it or not. I cried tears of joy cause i can't get over it. Hard for me to accept the fact that you actually said those words. I'm touched. I couldn't sleep last night, too happy.
You're very sweet hun :))
Friday, 4 October 2013
"Those words you use when you are talking to me.. you obviously don't mean it"
Am I that stupid? Am i that lame? Am i that ugly? Am i that bitchy? Am i that uncool? Am i that lousy? That you don't want to spend more time with me?
Just please compare myself to her, her, her and her. All those hotstuff people. Please compare me to them now. I know where I stand. I know who am i. Just an ordinary girl who step into your life, be special for few seconds, and then get ignored forever.
I dont know what else to do with you. I've tried so hard. Dont think i will manage to continue trying. I'm on the verge of giving up. You won't notice. You won't even know that its you.
Despite the fact that the way you treat me like I'm really invisible, despite the fact that you seem to not bother talking to me, despite the fact that you always give me cold shoulder, despite the fact that you always make mistakes but you don't notice it, I'm still being positive and think that you are not treating me like I'm very invisible, I'm still talking to you even tho i know you are just talking to me just to make me satisfy, I'm still talking to you when i shouldn't and still apologising to you when it's not my fault and still giving in so that we won't get into any fights.
I am trying so hard right now, can't you see it? Who were there for you when you quarrel with her? Who were there to support and give encouragement when you are down? Me. The one who tries to cheer you up, the one who tries to make you happy, the one who tries to make you avoid thinking negatively. But despite all those i did for you, you still don't treat me like I'm special, you still go to her. She is your first priority. I know that. Its very obvious. Won't be surprise if i find out that you actually liked her.
Lets just put it this way:
You never reply means you dw to talk to me.
You ignore me means you think im very annoying.
You need me at certain times means you are making use of me.
So, in summary, i should just stop.
"Expecting those that will not happen and ended up getting hurt"
Saturday, 14 September 2013
"She leaves when you start to love her"
Mixed feelings. Confused. What more? Seeing her talking to you just kills me in the inside like a mother witnessing her daughter get hit by a car. I don't even know what I am feeling right now. I don't know. I don't know. If you ask me who's the one right now, probably the answer will be either no one or i don't know.
You don't like people who judge you but you judge others. What logic is that? Where are all your fucked up attitude that you always show to everyone including me, where are all those? Why don't you show that attitude of yours to her? Instead, you let yourself be a two-faced guy. Is it you changed or she made you change? I don't know. Why are you suddenly so close to her out of the blue? Why is it must be her?
Her, the one whom i hate so much, the one who changes crush like changes clothes, the one has two different personality and attitude infront of girls and guys. Why must it be her? And not other girls? She doesn't like people who bitch about her but she herself bitch about others. She's a professional in bitching about others and I've no idea why can't you see that bad side of her :( its just upsetting.
The only choice i have right now,
• Stop all these feelings and slowly forget about him
No, i don't know :( even tho i say I'm over you but when i see your conversation with her in twitter, i just died for a moment, almost cry but i don't. I don't know. I need someone to decide for me right now. Someone who can make me realised whether i should stop and forget about him.
No i don't know. I just hate the i-dont-know feelings.
Its alr one year surprisingly :-(
Friday, 13 September 2013
"Being the one who is loved by someone is like a bunch of balloons happily floating in the air"
Everyone's dream is to be someone who is well loved and appreciated by someone. Everyone hopes that it will happen to them one fine day.
Even i do, its just that i can't.
I'm a loser, giving others advices and cheer them up but didn't do what I told others to do. A loser who only ask and tell others what to do for their own good but didn't put in any effort in own's problem. I just can't. I don't have the strength to do it. I don't have the bravery to face the consequences. I'm afraid of what will happen. Just afraid to do anything. Seeing my friends progressing well just don't make me feel to work on mine. I'm just sitting and staring at the blank air. Wondering and hoping that good things will happen to me. Wishing that things will go back to what it is supposed to be. But I realised for a moment, I wasn't putting myself in reality. I was in my own world. I realised and decided to just give up and not to bother anything for right now. The conflict that happened really really has affected me no matter how i tried to deny the fact that it doesn't. I didn't show it to my friends cause i know it's just a small useless pathetic deal. So i bottled everything up. Thinking that I'm over you and everything, but actually I'm not. The feeling is strong. Too strong that I'm still actually feeling it rn even tho you're treating me like a white wall that is vandalized. Still feeling it.
"Am i supposed to stop this feeling?" It always runs in my mind.
I am actually back to the old me who always stalk you like some crazy stalker. I can't but to do what I did before the conflict. Its sounds pathetic and scary but no I'm still doing it :(
Being the one who isn't pretty and skinny like her is just blehajisnsax. It just pull my courage level straight to zero. She has the package, skinny, tall, pretty, smart. She gets to talk to you but I don't. I really really miss it when we text each other till late night, till you fell asleep waiting for my reply. That moment, the precious moment like a bright shinny diamond at the top of the pole. I treasure it so much. But then now its like the moment that everyone hates it, like the diamond fell off and cracked.
I just need someone who will always be there for me 24/7 so that i can express what I feel every moment. Someone who can tolerate my nonsense, sarcasm ness and my ranting. I just need that someone right now. Maybe i don't look sad in the outside cause i don't want people around me to be worried. I don't cut cause i know its just the stupidest thing to do and that i don't want to make my appearance much more uglier cause i am alr ugly now :(
"Bottling everything up cause you don't have any other choices"
Thursday, 12 September 2013
"Get up, take a moment to realize, try and work hard for it"
Crush, crush and crush.
Normal to have and talk about crushes during these teenage years.
But sometimes crush can crush everything, like a fire that can be friends with us but ended up destroying our lives like an enemy.
• the guy doesnt know that you exist
• the guy has a crush
• the guy is popular
• many girls have a crush on him
• the guy still likes his ex
• the guy has a girlfriend
• there's a girl who is suck up to him
But dont make all these as your excuses to stop your feelings towards your crush. Rubbish.
Just get up and get out from your shell, take a moment to realize what you should and should not do, try and work hard for it. If you feel pathetic or useless, take a moment to realize that if you continue feeling that way, you'll be in a loss. So get out from that little shell of yours and change for the better. It'll benefit you. If you think you don't have that thing that will attract him and that only other girls have it, try not to think that way. If you think you dont have any talent, its not a problem cause if the guy really loves you, everything else doesnt matter except for your heart and personality. Don't bother about the cactuses and tigers that are trying to pull you down so that you'll give up. They are just an example of a bunch of super major losers that do not have a life and only want the easy way to get their crushes. But don't worry if they get their crushes who is also your crush, cause they only managed to taste it for a short period of time due to their ugly personality and they'll lose the guy that they really want so badly.
Just dont give up cause with God's will, I'm sure you'll get what you want if you really work hard for it.
"Be a lady and work hard for something you dream of. Don't be a bitch that goes around clinging onto people so that she/he will be able to get help from many and, not using your sweat and working hard for it"
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
"People come into your life and they leave"
Yes it happened to me just recently. The person that i have feelings for almost a year has gone just like that with the help of a girl who thinks she's big. But i'm not gonna let it affect me.
You think you've won and you're a champion.
But no i'm not gonna let you feel that way.
Cause someday i will get up and crash your life like a tornado that destroy everything.
You don't have to wait for that day cause it'll come and happen to you real soon, very soon dear.